My Wife


Date: February 1st, 2011

Time: Dinner

Status: My Wife

Info:  I drove my dad’s car sparingly as a kid growing up on the North Shore of Massachusetts.  My two friends each had cars, a mustard colored Maverick and a really loud blue Mustang.  The latter was so loud I used to meet him a half block away just so my parents didn’t realize who I was running with.  The collection of music in either car was limited to a few 8-tracks; The Who, The Doors and Bruce Springsteen.  We knew the lyrics to every song on every track regardless of what was slapped in that 8-track player.  One of the songs that’s been playing in my head recently was written by The Who’s bass guitarist Mr. John Entwistle.  The song MY WIFE’s lyrics tells a tongue-in-cheek story of a man who goes out drinking on a Friday night.  When he doesn’t come home, his wife assumes he’s been with another woman (he was actually arrested) and becomes angry.  The song then details the various ways in which the man tries to protect himself from his wife, including the hiring of a bodyguard and escaping in a car.

Though the song plays in my head with an objective to ease the pain the lyrics themselves are so far from the truth it really has no business in this blog about my wife – unless … there’s always a “BUT” isn’t there? Unless you knew the history behind our relationship and how far back the two of us have traveled with each other.

There’s no infidelity on either side though there have been matters (yes plural) involving the police and I’ve always been the one causing problems.  Yet my wife was always there with a level head, a rational thought and a game plan that rivals the best of them.

We received some fairly shitty news this afternoon regarding the results of the biopsy taken yesterday.  Today was the first time Bonnie cried and it was almost a relief to see her finally crying about the news she’s been holding in since the 14th of January, and true to form, we learned the news around 2:PM this afternoon we now have a game plan we feel confident about.

We’ve been on the phone with our surgeon, we’ve been on the phone with our support network (each of you) and we’ve talked things over with our own daughters.

Both breasts? Really?

Some say the worst time to make a rational decision is when you’re faced with irrational business.  This is when I would ask my wife.

Bonnie and I are both impulsive, she’s the level-headed one and I almost never think like a chess player.  So now that we have a game plan I’ll leave you with the lyrics to the song I’ve been talking about – some of you will recognize the double entendre, some of you may just be confused while some of you may walk over to your library of albums, pull out “Who’s Next” and fire up the turntable.

My life’s in jeopardy

Murdered in cold blood is what I’m gonna be

I ain’t been home since Friday night

And now my wife is coming after me

Give me police protection

Gonna buy a gun so

I can look after number one

Give me a bodyguard

A black belt Judo expert with a machine gun

Gonna buy a tank and an aeroplane

When she catches up with me

Won’t be no time to explain

She thinks I’ve been with another woman

And that’s enough to send her half insane

Gonna buy a fast car

Put on my lead boots

And take a long, long drive

I may end up spending all my money

But I’ll still be alive

All I did was have a bit too much to drink

And I picked the wrong precinct

Got picked up by the law

And now I ain’t got time to think

Gonna buy a tank and an aeroplane

When she catches up with me

Won’t be no time to explain

She thinks I’ve been with another woman

And that’s enough to send her half insane

Gonna buy a fast car

Put on my lead boots

And take a long, long drive

I may end up spending all my money

But I’ll still be alive

And I’m oh so tired of running

Gonna lay down on the floor

I gotta rest some time so

I can get to run some more

She’s comin’!

She’s comin’!

 

Damn right she is.

Keep her close you guys.

 

Peace,

Paul

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5 thoughts on “My Wife

  1. I know this is hard but remember longevity trumps cosmetics….and I have some friends with reconstructed breasts that make me envious…not that it’s not hard but you will see how a couple of days passing gets you there, that you do what it takes to get it done and get back to life.

    Good luck guys…

  2. I wasn’t in the picture for the teen age years, but I was there for the 20’s…and know enough to confirm you guys are soul mates! Your love and strength will get you through this…along with all the prayers from all of us!

  3. OK so forgive me here but if laughter is the best medicine, then let’s have some twisted humor here. A pair of new perky breasts is just what we need as we face our mid-life. Bonnie said it herself yesterday. Instead of holding them up from down around the knees, a nice pair of perky falsies will be just the incentive we need to make us want to go shopping next time I’m in Petaluma. Which can be at a moments notice as soon you make the call. You hear me?? I love you guys. ML

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